Christmas Special

Well there we go, Christmas is now all done and dusted again for another year. The concept of sitting around eating, drinking and falling asleep on the sofa through overindulgence however is now something I've recently become quite accustomed to, and whilst still thoroughly enjoyable it took the shine off the festive day slightly by being so similar to every other day I currently have. In traditional unemployed fashion I also decided to forego the Bucks Fizz yesterday morning and settle for a can of K Cider, this was indeed a school boy mistake. Cider may be a good replacement for champagne when being added to Guinness for a poor mans black velvet but it is in no way a sensible substitute for orange juice when being added to champagne. Anyway today is boxing day so I'm going to make a turkey sandwich and get myself comfortable for the fight. Merry Christmas everyone hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.

Week 4 - Day 5

This morning I have had the pleasure of having to call the "we have no jobs centre", centre to change my bank account details. After being given 3 different numbers to call and being hung up on twice I finally managed to speak to someone who managed to help. Shortly after that same person called me back to advise that they did not save my details, and that I would have to go through it all again. Thirty five minutes to change bank details. Why am I the one without a job??

On a plus note though I have just watched my friends get married in Las Vegas on the Internet. It was lovely to see them looking so happy and to tie the knot, all whilst I was casually relaxing in my pyjamas eating Pop tarts. All weddings should be like that. Congratulations.

Just looked out the window to see it had started to snow then it stopped and it hasn't settled. Pointless. Also I've just had the bad news that NME TV is to close. I am deeply saddened by this news and have now brought my Sky subscription into question.

Well I'm now going to treat myself to some beans and little pork sausages on toast. Living like a king today.

Decided that I'm going to break up for the festive period today and continue the job searching in the new year. This will possibly be my last update of the blog until after Christmas too which means you lot will all get a break from the Facebook/Twitter updates and you'll not have to read the incessant nonsense that I project into your lives via this keyboard.

On the other hand though if you do miss the ranting about the job centre and the constant mentions of tea and Pop Tarts over the crimbo break check the below links out.

For Mobile:

The Unemployment Diaries - Get it now!


For Desktops/Laptops:
The Unemployment Diaries - Get it now!

Thanks all for reading this rubbish and I'll finish by wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a prosperous new year.

Week 4 - Day 4

Been to the bank this morning to have the cash machine swear at me. Cheap nights out for me now until the next giro. Roll on sign on day.

Visiting my friend today for breakfast, a cup of tea with sugar and the hangover part 2. The film that is not my current condition. That will be tomorrow. Probably.

Week 4 - Day 3

Nothing happening today at all. I haven't got anything to report or moan about whatsoever. I have Pop tarts, I have sugar for my cup of tea and I've not kicked any inanimate objects this morning. It even looks like a nice day.

I think I may have to leave the house and just hope something exciting happens. 

The postman has just been. I didn't even receive any bills today. Nothing. Happening.

Been out and about for a walk but still nothing exciting happening. Might have to go to the pub for a bit. I'll have a guinness for a change that should mix it up and give me something to look forward to.

Week 4 - Day 2

I have the feeling today is going to be one of those days where things just go wrong. Already this morning I have stumped my toe, burnt my Pop tarts and realised I've ran out of sugar for my cup of tea. Well it could be worse... It could be raining.......damn.

Sod it. I'm going back to bed. I'll try today again later.

2nd attempt at today is so far running a lot more smoothly. I have managed to navigate the path from bedroom to kitchen without injury and made myself a drink without drowning myself or blowing up the fridge. It's good to be back in charge.

Bring on lunch.

Week 4 - Day 1

Monday has rolled around again and another week of mundaneness and repetition begins. Just as it was when I was employed but at least then I was getting paid.

Two weeks left until Christmas. I can't wait to break up for the festive holiday period........... Oh. Seems that I already have. Might as well try and enjoy it. Cup of tea and a mince pie it is.

Letter to Santa done.

Dear Santa, Noel, St Nick, Mr Kringle (delete as appropriate)

I know that I may possibly, probably, most definitely be on your naughty list this year but for god sake I'm 26 now and I think I'm old enough to have a bit of fun sometimes. It's not caused anyone any trouble, apart from that one time with the.. Sorry I digress, Anyway I was just wondering if you might be able to pull a few strings and maybe for my present you could get me a winning lottery ticket or possibly even a job. I'm starting to get a bit bored now and I'm going slightly mental. If you can't it's not a problem pal. You don't get if you don't ask. There is one last thing you could do for me though my old mucka. I would really appreciate a little advice on how you keep yourself busy, and afford to live all year round off one days work.

Merry crimbo by the way and send my regards to the wife.

Much love.

Jimmy

Week 3 - Day 5

Boring day of chores. I've opened a new bank account and started to look at the financial situation before looking away again and deciding I'd rather do something else less depressing. Time to update the CV then.

Having a break from chores to eat lunch and watch the snooker. It's riveting stuff I tell you.

Had a mince pie with my cup of tea to see if it would make me feel festive. It didn't but it was a nice treat none the less.

Week 3 - Day 4

Man flu is starting to ease off a bit now. I'm one of the lucky ones that has managed to pull through and my thoughts go out to all the people whose lives have been affected by this horrible disease.

Off to the heady heights of Birmingham city centre today with the girlfriend to be dragged around. Sorry I mean go Christmas shopping. Saying that it will be handy to have the extra pair of hands to help me carry all the pop tarts home.

The ordeal of Birmingham shopping is now finally over and the thankfully the Christmas shop has been completed for another year. Time for a well needed pint.

Week 3 - Day 3

Had another early start again this morning. Not because of coughing or sneezing. (I overdosed on cough medicine and lozenges) but because of the excitement of having to go and visit 'The House of the Work Shy and the Unfortunate' again this morning. I have once again correctly and thoroughly completed my report card for the teachers so I just hope I pass and I'm allowed back into the playground of opportunity as soon as possible. This of course is my metaphor for the job centre treating people like children, just incase you didn't understand and thought I had finally lost the plot.

Pride removal centre visit complete, and I'm pretty impressed with the service today. There was no patronising, no tarring of a brush and no stupid questions. In fact nothing was said at all just a finger pointing to where I had to sign and I was on my way, free to go anywhere my giro could take me.

Went to Druckers Viennese café for a cappuccino and a macaroon slice. I may be jobless but that doesn't mean I can't be a little cultured. I would have preferred Pop tarts though.

Just made myself a chilli and paprika chicken sandwich for lunch. It was very nice but it didn't have the remedial effects of chicken soup. If anything with the amount of chilli I used I'll be lucky if my nose stops running at all.

Week 3 - Day 2

Early update today due to the fact I've been awake all night coughing, sneezing and making noises you would normally only hear on a David Attenborough programme. The dreaded man flu has kicked in big time which means today I will be mostly feeling sorry for myself, overdosing on Beechams and wondering wether i'll actually ever pull through it. If I had a job I would call in sick.

Just had a bowl of Scotch broth soup for lunch. It was nice but I know that in my current condition it should have been chicken soup.

Tomorrow's to do list now updated:

Sign on
Buy Chicken Soup
Buy Pop Tarts
Eat Chicken Soup
Recover from man flu.

Week 3 - Day 1

Back to the grim reality of unemployment today after a very pleasant and fun filled weekend.

Saturday involved meeting some friends for a few beers and a catchup at the German market. After a frequenting a few more than a couple of pubs, I headed home without having seen a bratwurst or lowenbrau.

Spent Sunday afternoon in Nottingham for a friends stag do. I arrived to a group of lads that were either still drunk or newly drunk after the night before. They all still beat me at pool.

Have woken today with the beginning of what will possibly be a bad bout of man flu. I hope this doesn't progress into a full blown bout as we all know that man flu is second only to the plague. If it does get worse I will have to put a black cross on my door.

Week 2 - Day 5

Decided I would have a lie in this morning and not worry too much about the job search. Alarm went off at 8 and I've spent 3 hours looking at the same postings I've looked at every day now for nearly 3 weeks. Must turn alarm clock off.

Forgot to go to Sainsbury's yesterday so I have not been able to have my Pop tarts for breakfast. I'm worried this is becoming an addiction. I may have to go to PTA. (Pop Tarts Anonymous) and not (Parent Teacher Association). They would not be able to help my addiction in anyway.

Finally got some inspiration for christmas presents today and a list is now starting to come together. I know the monotony of my life is kicking in now, as I'm actually getting excited about the prospect of going crimbo shopping. Whilst on this topic I'm going to have a mince pie. With a cup of tea.

Week 2 - Day 4

Took the job searching to a new level today by switching the computer off, leaving the house and speaking to humans at a place called an agency. It's a clever concept where people help you get into work. Almost the exact opposite of the job centre.

Ran out of Pop Tarts. Shopping trip to Sainsbury's will be required.

1st of December today. I know this as I have just wasted 20 minutes of my life seeing all the updated photos and comments about advent calendars and trees on facetubespacebook. Below is my favourite.

Week 2 - Day 3

Productive morning already so far. Three jobs applied for, Responded to my e-mails and I've had my cup of tea and Pop tarts.

Even though I firmly believe the following should not be thought about until at least the 20th December, I'm going to try and get some ideas of Christmas presents for people today and compile a list of things I need to get. Does the 99p store have a website??

Have just found out that the 99p store does indeed have a website. Pointless to order anything from it though as the delivery charge would be the most expensive item.

Properly struggling to get any inspiration for crimbo presents. Looks like its a box of previously mentioned breakfast snacks for everyone. It's the thought that counts anyway.... Apparently.

Week 2 - Day 2

Now arrived back from my long weekend of eating, drinking, walking, drinking, eating, drinking and relaxing. A great time was had but It's now back to reality.

Free sat nav impressed today except for mistakingly changing my route in order to save me 3 mins and putting me into road works for 3 miles, extending the journey time and shortening my away from car time by 20 minutes. Still mins and miles are very similar words and can easily be mistaken especially by an American robot.

Last 4 days post and emails have now been read and unfortunately the first couple of job rejections have been received. On the plus side though I've been offered the chance to earn £3k per week working from home and that I have a millionaire Nigerian cousin that's happy to deposit their cash in my bank account aslong as I don't tell the authorities where he is hiding.

Day 5

The old skool job search seemed to be a bad idea. I have woken with a sore head and no newspaper.

It seems odd that I no longer get the Friday feeling or fancy a crunchie.

Not a lot going on today. Just had breakfast/lunch (Brunch) and have just applied for a job I think I've already applied for on Wednesday. They're starting to all look the same to me now.

Right, off to the pub for lunch and a some hair from a dog called Carling.

Carlings hair has been good to me and on a plus note I've redeemed myself at darts. Waiting for the train now to visit good old brum and enjoy a few beers with the family. Not that it matters but I'm suprised to see that it's running to schedule. The train that is not my family.

Day 4

Awoke and arose early this morning in order to taxi the girlfriend to work, I thought this would be a good idea as it meant I would be able to make full use of the day in front of me instead of just squandering the time in bed. Turns out I have nothing to do so TV, Pop tarts and a kip it is.

I have come to the conclusion strawberry Pop Tarts are nicer than the chocolate ones, and if this helps just one person on their shopping trip i'll be happy.

Not sure why everyone moans about daytime TV. With just a little forward planning and Sky + it's awesome.
Jeremy Kyle doesn't exist to me.

Went round to a friends for lunch and found I had a puncture on the car. I managed to block the hole with a thorn well enough to get me to a garage and have the tyre changed. Pleased Its happened now and not before I go away this weekend. Still not had lunch.

Lunch done. As microwave chilli's go it was a good one, being an M&S chilli though I wouldn't have expected any less.

Off to the pub now for a beer, armed with a red pen and the evening mail my job search is about to go old skool.

Day 3

Off to the job centre shortly to become a governments artist, or to draw the dole as it is more commonly known. Right, where's that tracksuit?

Tracksuit on and my School, sorry job search report card is filled in. I'm now ready to rock and roll. (not an intentional joke).

Job Centre done. Overall not a bad experience apart from the judging and being treated like an idiot. Saying that though, I think they liked me as they want me to go back in 2 weeks.

I have just enjoyed reading the paper with a nice fried breakfast and a pot of tea in House of Fraser. This of course is the plus side to being unemployed and has been only slightly marred by the fact I've now reduced my giro by £5.

Pot noodles and pop tarts for the rest of the week.

Forgot to buy the pot noodles on the way home, but I do have soup so its not all doom and gloom.

I have been talked into playing 5 a side footy tonight, well I say play I'm just needed to make up the numbers. Looks like i'll be in goal for the majority of it. Still, as a bonus it means the tracksuit gets another outing.

Day 2

Visited the bureau for giving citizens advice and as expected I didn't receive any so I'm now cooking myself a sausage sandwich to cheer my self up. I think I may also have a cup of tea. I still haven't come up with any get rich quick schemes yet either so back to the job hunting it is.

Job sites have now been perused and a few CV's have been sent off. I think I may start thinking about lunch and what masterpiece I can create with the contents of my fridge. It will probably be an omelette.

Currently waiting for the train to go to Sutton and as per usual it's delayed. Delays aren't an inconvenience to me anymore, I don't mind waiting.

I'm now back from my adventure to the town centre after having a quick couple of beers and being destroyed at darts. I am now going to cook myself a curry before I have the excitement of visiting Lichfield (my second town centre adventure in one day, check me out) for more beers. I may have to start collecting glasses in order to receive free half's of whatever ale they have on or is that just a weatherspoons thing?

Day 1

Just had some strawberry pop tarts for breakfast. It was an exciting moment as I forgot how good they were. Computer is now on in preparation of operation job search and googling how to get rich quick. Any suggestions are welcome.