29th March

I'm sitting here with a cup of tea and a two slightly burnt Pop Tarts writing what could possibly be the last installment in the Unemployment Diaries. Its a sad day but being the nice person I am I thought it was about time that I stopped interrupting your news feed, timelines and general lives with my incessant drivel. Then I thought nah sod it I'll write one more. You don't have to read it, its a decision i'll leave entirely down to you. Just like when you'll decide whether you want to click on any of the adverts that litter this page. You don't have to but why don't you just try a couple. (All money earned from adverts clicked will be donated to a very worthy and charitable cause, Me).

Job Centre news - I have now finally managed to cut my ties with with the ever so helpful advisers staff  cretins at the Job Centre. In a strange way though it was quite emotional knowing that I will not be going back in two weeks time to be treated like some kind of mutant that has no grasp of human behaviour, let alone the prospect of work.

In all fairness though yesterdays meeting went quite smoothly. I explained that I would like to sign off and surprisingly, almost like I had insulted his child he sharply and snappily replied WHY??? I then retorted with a sentence I'm not sure is heard or understood within the realms of the Job Centre, I replied " Because I have a job". After the initial shock, panic and disruption, I was advised that this would be OK (I didn't realise That I needed permission) and after a hand shake and a wish of good luck I was thrust out of the office. Hopefully never having to return.

In preparation for Mondays assault on my newly developed laziness, I decided today would be a good idea to get a few things sorted for the new job, one of these little chores being to fill the car with petrol. My ideas at present have been letting me down somewhat and today has made me realise that Dave (The TV channel) does not keep its viewers up to date on current affairs. Its my own fault for watching Top Gear and reruns of Jonathan Creek that I did not notice the rest of the UK becoming petrol hoarders. I understand the concept that if there is a fuel strike petrol stations will run out of diesel and people will die, what I don't get is people like old Derek who drive less than ten miles a week deciding that he must now fill up his tank for the first time since the last strike just incase that no unleaded fuel will lead to armageddon. Thirty five minutes I waited at the garage for my turn at the pump whilst stupidly leaving my engine running, wasting the very commodity I was waiting to buy more of. 

With the petrol now purchased and my hair having been cut I will now retire to the garden where I will enhance the redness of my already sun burnt bonce and enjoy my last few days of unemployment.

Thanks for reading, Its been fun.

Now stop reading and go and buy petrol before time itself stops and we no longer exist.

Done.